Lost

  
It was been a while since I posted a real “honest” blog. Today, I am looking at my silly bird (which I like to call her). She has brought us so much joy. The pain to get to her (and our other boys) is what is on my heart today.

The pain of lost time.

9 months (or so) in the womb for each child: 36 months

12 weeks maternity leave per child (standard for my job status for a woman who is pregnant) minus the time off I was able to use:  approximately 7 months total

Months of life apart from me total (all children): 65 months

Total time lost: 108 months (9 years)

9 years!

It is not just me that feels the pain of loss. My kids and husband do too. Some days our own pain,  brokenness, and loss rubs up against another’s pain, brokenness, and loss. It can get ugly.

Thank goodness God hasn’t given up on us. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

 

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Off

And we are off!!! Wow what a crazy 3 weeks it has been. Packing, planning, organizing, praying. We finally come to the day, and what happens? Grand snow storm, that’s what.

We started our day with breakfast at the airport. Bill’s flight was delayed, but he was not in danger of missing his connecting flight. Once Bill was settled, the rest of us went back home to get me ready. My flight was also delayed. However, once in Atlanta I would have 30 minutes to meet my connecting flight. I went to the airport early anyway, hoping for a miracle.

A miracle happened. The sweet young lady checking me in says, “I don’t mean to hurry you ma’am, but a flight is leaving Jackson in 30 minutes for Atlanta. You can make it on that flight and not miss your connection.” I could have kissed her. Really.

Which brings me here:

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Blogging in Atlanta, leisurely awaiting my flight to Amsterdam. Eating healthy.

Love to you all, next blog-Poland (or maybe Amsterdam).

Real

  

As I write this, here is the face looking at me. Cutie pie. 

So many stories scroll through my Facebook and Twitter feeds. I cannot possibly read them all. Sad stories. Courageous stories. Fun stories. Tragic stories. Sometimes I wonder if the stories are real. 

Last night we received a message warning us that our T-shirt fundraiser might be considered spam. We posted it under a group and a member of the group did not “know” us. She did not appreciate seeing our fundraiser in her Facebook feed. 

I get that. There is a lot that goes through my feed that I care nothing about. It actually makes it very hard to notice the things that do matter and that I care about. 

Our family’s story is special. Our baby girl is a real person. Soon we will be able to share her picture with you all. 

One last day for T-shirt sales: http://www.booster.com/pursuinglove 

My verse for today: Exodus 1:21 And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families. 

Together

  

Z and I just spent 6 days in the hospital. A nurse commented that he was milking the one-on-one time with his mom. Yes, he was. So was I. 

At times like this I am reminded that he was abandoned on the side of the road in China as an infant. Abandoned by a parent or by parents who were doing the most loving thing they could for him. All his needs were taken care of in China, and for that I am thankful. 

I am also reminded that he had major surgery in China as an infant. By major, I mean spinal surgery. During that time, his mommy was not with him. 

I’m here now little buddy. 

Birth

BirthIMG_2901 It has been a while since I have done a post so I thought I would give it a go. As Lori in previous posts has alluded to, we are on the adoption train to Europe. We knew we were going to adopt again. We were just up in the air of where it was going to be. China and India were in consideration. For those of unfamiliar with international adoption, there is a process…a lengthy process. Ever tried birthing paperwork? This type of birth is very unique…it can give you paper cuts. This method of birth can be done by either a dude or dudette. It can be stressful, frustrating, and invigorating blended with “why the heck do they need to know that!?” kinda of moments. Hey paper work is easy right?

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Come with me for a moment into the mind of the adoptive parent. First off, into the nitty gritty of it, there is high level of commitment in adoption, especially international adoption. We’ve done it once with A&E and we are doing again for sister V. Non-believers would say that we are a glutton for punishment. Those who have been on the journey know that it’s more than that. It’s a calling of a different nature, a calling that needs the faith of a mustard seed. Plenty of unknowns are at play depending on the country, age of the child, wellness of the child, and travel issues (to name a few). It takes a lot of faith to take on those unknowns. You would ask yourself, “Do I trust God enough to get me through this?” Your commitment and faith are tested in this “birth process” through three major pieces and that’s even before you board the plane. Those pieces are the homestudy meetings, the homestudy paperwork, and the dossier.

The Homestudy What’s a homestudy you say? A homestudy for all practical purposes is an outside party (social worker) that comes in to your home on four separate occasions (three if you are lucky) to interview you as a couple, separately as mother and father, and then interview your existing children. They will delve in details of your life past and present. They will ask many thought provoking questions: What are your thoughts on parenting? How do you discipline your children? What was your home life like growing up? Describe your personality, your strengths and weaknesses? What types of activities did your family do together? How did your parents discipline you and your siblings? What aspects of their parenting do you hope to emulate & what will you avoid? What is your religious background? When/how/where did you and your spouse meet? How long did you date prior to marriage? Imagine 8 pages of questions like that could expose you and your family to potential criticism by someone that doesn’t know you much at all. Imagine how would you answer all those questions? Sounds intimidating, doesn’t it? Oh, I forgot to mention, there’s a home inspection. Every room is looked at. Do you have smoke alarms? (You should.) Do you have a fire extinguisher? (You should.) Do you have pets? Have a room in your house you’re ashamed of because you’re a pack rat? (Get ready to show it.) This time around it was a little easier. If you’re a first timer, it can be a scary, what am I thinking kind of moment. Families like us that go down this road do not do it lightly. Normally, all the visits take around four months. The Homestudy Paperwork

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Ok, now gather all those important documents that you’ve hidden from yourself or take for granted. It’s a long list: birth certificates (you, spouse, and kids), marriage certificate, SS Cards, driver’s licenses, W2, and your last set of tax returns. Now print and sign various documents for background checks at the county, state and federal levels. Ask your job to provide proof of employment, get the vet to give you a shot card for your pets (this one was new to me, too), and get fingerprints for the FBI. Run to the MEA (doctor’s office) and get yourself checked out and the kids too. Home studies also require that the adoptive parents have education credits (online usually). Oh, remember all those questions I mentioned above? You’ll need those typed up in your autobiographical document per mommy and per daddy. Still with me?….good. Once all that is together, the social worker will generate you a spiffy report that you will need later. The Dossier Normally, if you are going the domestic adoption route through agencies like Bethany Adoption Service or Lifeline Adoption, you’re pretty much done and waiting on a referral (child match). International adoptions add a unique and fairly costly step, the Dossier. It’s a French sounding word loosely meaning in the adoption world as “boatload of important documents about your family that a foreign country has to have.” A lot of the same documents are utilized again from the homestudy collection, but they have to be original documents. Passports are now included. All those documents have to now be apostilled. Side Note: Now this word (apostille) for some reason is the bane of my verbal skills. I verbally butcher it every time. Even after being told repeatedly how to say it, I still can’t say it correctly. Ok, now the documents that are generated by an activity such a medical exam or employment verification have to be notarized by a notary public. After the notarization, those documents have to be apostilled or “certified” that the documents are genuine. Documents generated by a registar (birth certificates) or county clerks don’t require notarization but do have to be apostilled. The apostilled documents are all put together, translated into the necessary language (in our case, Polish), then logged into the country’s welfare system (or something similar). Lots of documents and lots of steps. I have simplified it a little, but there is still a lot. Now that you have a good idea of the mountain of paperwork, you can see that this is not something that a family takes on on a whim. God has put this love of children in our hearts. The desire to find them anywhere they may be. Many of us have this desire. Sometimes it’s below the surface waiting for a good push. IMG_2899 This desire does come at cost though. As Lori mentioned in here previous post, we are in fund raising mode to take care of the various fees, applications, travel and logistics of getting our girl. Why go there you may say? I say why not go there? A child needs a home with a family. Brothers to play with and big dog that will clean up the food that doesn’t make it into her mouth. This journey of ours is a compassionate journey. It can be a journey that we all take together. I would ask that everyone please diligently pray that the steps, the hands, and the finances all come together to bring her home to the great state of Mississippi where she will witness God’s love first hand by her parents, her brothers, her family, her church, and her friends. Our journey can be your journey. Will you come along with us? We will be raising funds in various ways. T-shirts are our first way. Come check them out at:

http://www.booster.com/pursuinglove

Decade

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Today, I have been a mom for a decade. Ten years ago today we were heading to the hospital for the birth of our oldest. He was not in my belly, but the belly of a different and much younger woman. How can I verbalize how thankful I am for her, the woman who trusted me enough to let us raise her flesh and blood as her own? 

How can we thank any of them enough? Two birth moms are unknown to us. How much trust does it take to leave your child on the side of the road in the middle of crazy busy China?

Somedays I feel I have this great faith (most days I don’t). I have never left my child for another to raise. 

Somedays I feel brave (most days I don’t). I have never felt an emptiness of womb that once held a baby, but that child is now being held in another woman’s arms.

Being a mom is hard, but life would be much harder if I was not a mom.

Today I am thankful. So overwhelmingly thankful. 

—-

10 years with the D-man today.  It has been a fun wild ride.  Being a dad has been the greatest experience of my life.  I didn’t realize how helping nurture a baby into a 10 year old would grow me into the man I am now.

I have experienced cuts, bruises, falls, traumas, but life with boys is always supposed to be crazy. 

As Lori alluded to, being a mom is hard.  Being a dad is equally as difficult but in a different way.  You find yourself acting like your father did when you were growing up, which isn’t a bad thing.  It is especially amusing when you catch yourself doing it.  I have been called “Mac” (my father) on occasion by my bride.

My D-Man is 10. Wow!  Thanks to The Lord for such a blessing that I was given.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the and of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

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Adopted

I had originally planned on blogging about joy, suffering, and the psalms. That blog will come, but here is what is on my heart today.

Galatians 4:4-7 ESV But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God

How do these verses make you feel?

This is not a sentimental statement. It is the core of the Gospel.

God sent His Son.

His only Son.

Born of the Virgin Mary.

Adopted by Joseph.

To be hung on a cross to die.

So that we can join His family.

And have new life.

This is not the plan just in case everything fails. This is THE PLAN.

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